Wednesday, 31 January 2007

Ian and Sinead's indie project - 31st January,,4-2007050144,00.html

"I NEVER thought SINEAD O’CONNOR had Manc indie legend IAN BROWN in mind when she sang Nothing Compares 2 U. But I can reveal the unlikely duo have struck up a close friendship and are working on a track for the former STONE ROSES star’s next album."

Aside from the baffling opening line (why would she have??), we have another false 'reveal'. The rumours have been circulating since early 2006 about Brown and O'Connor working together, and Brown talked to the NME about it earlier this month. (The NME's own website doesn't carry the story, strangely.)

It's nothing more than attempting to turn a rumour into fact just by claiming it's true.

Far from being exclusive previews or reveals, the rest of the article consists of details taken from an interview Brown did with Steve Lamacq last week on BBC 6Music, a transcript of which you can read here (warning: this website might make your eyes go funny.)

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Pete and Kate in rehab together - 30th January,,4-2007040794,00.html

A minor nit-pick today, but click on the picture above and read the caption. What were they doing, walking in backwards?

Monday, 29 January 2007

Jordan better than Beatles - 29th January,,2004580002-2007040703,00.html

It really is a slow news day, as Vicky has now had to resort to nicking items from last Friday's Holy Moly Mailout to fill up some inches. Do yourselves a favour - sign up to the mailout and get all the latest stories 4 days before Vicky copies them!

(NB: that mailout link will change on Friday 2nd Feb, so after that you'll have to take my word for it!)

Brit's indulging in a Toxic diet - 29th January,,4-2007040597,00.html

"But after sinking a calorie laden Red Bull..."

At 113 calories per can, hardly "laden". There's nearly twice as many in a bagel, and around the same in a bowl of cornflakes without milk...

Notice how the main picture doesn't show the burger Britney supposedly went for, or the McDonalds she ate it at, and the "slideshow" just has ancient pictures of her - *gasp* - drinking coffee and Coca-Cola! Must be a really slow news day...

Friday, 26 January 2007

Emma Bunton is pregnant - 26th January,,4-2007040360,00,00.html

Look at that - a time and date stamp on the story just to prove that Victoria Newton was the first journalist IN THE WORLD to, erm, type up the press release that went out from Hall or Nothing at 2pm. And was sent to every major newspaper, magazine and news agency that might be slightly interested, which is why everyone is using the exact same quotes.

EXCLUSIVE: Victoria Newton can cut and paste quite quickly! A source said "You should see her Ctrl, C and V keys. The writing on them is barely visible anymore."

That's taking the Mik - 26th January,,4-2007040286,00.html

The irony of the headline is almost painful. Third time unlucky for Vicky this week when it comes to bleating about Mika. She once again calls Grace Kelly his "debut single", and also repeats her shameless lie of being the one who "revealed" that Mika would be modelling for Paul Smith, despite the fact that this news was appearing elsewhere in the press at least six weeks ago.

Now we can add another bogus "reveal", with

"I can also reveal Mika has landed his first major festival date — California’s Coachella in April."

in spite of the fact that the lineup for the festival was announced to the world 5 days ago and Mika's name was very much on the list, and even on the poster (fifth from last on the bill on the last day, but it's a start I suppose...)

Before I Fall To Pieces - 26th January,,4-2007040284,00.html

"But he has vowed to watch himself to make sure he is fit for their appearance at the Brits on February 15."

Considering how much of a frenzy Vicky has been working herself into about The Brits, you'd think she'd know by now it was on February 14th.

You also have to kind of wonder at the point of this story when she says herself "
Basher Burrows has carried on with his drumming duties in Germany for the band". So, er, he's fine and the Brits appearance isn't even in question then?

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

Our girls gong up on Oscar - 24th January,,4-2007030786,00.html

"Eddie’s co-star JENNIFER HUDSON — turned down by SIMON COWELL in American Idol 2005 — is up for Best Supporting Actress."

Short and sweet - American Idol 2004, not 2005. And although initially turned down, she came back on the "wildcard" and was in the final seven.

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

Mika Mistake - 23rd January,,4-2007030618,00.html

Another fluff piece by Vicky's underling today, containing yet more mistakes about Mika's feats (see yesterday).

"The 23-year-old pop sensation from London has landed an unprecedented No1 with debut single Grace Kelly — from music downloads ALONE. The recent change in chart rules paved the way for his huge online following to propel him to the top of the charts without selling even a single copy in record stores."

"Unprecedented"? Newton Jr. seems to have forgotten when Gnarls Barkley made number one last year with "Crazy" - on downloads only and "without selling even a single copy in record stores."

And, once again, repeating the mistakes of his master, this is NOT Mika's debut single, it's his second.

Monday, 22 January 2007

See Carmen in 'porno' movie - 22nd January,,2004580002-2007030502,00.html

"The ex-Baywatch pin-up plays a 'porn legend' in new Brit flick I Want Candy. And I have the exclusive trailer."

For once, Vicky is actually telling the truth. At the time this was published online, you couldn't see the trailer anywhere else. Wow, how did she get a genuine exclusive?

I suspect it's down to the fact that the one of the production companies backing this film is none other than Sky Movies, which of course just happens to belong to the same umbrella company as The Sun. In true circle-jerk promotion style, the main characters in the film have their own MySpace pages. And guess who owns MySpace?

Expect to see a lot more coverage of this film before it opens...

Posh 'n David get Hefner invite - 22nd January,,4-2007030452,00.html

"Exclusive" one of Vicky's lackeys is claiming. (cick photo for bigger).

Strange then that this same story, with the same quotes from Hugh Hefner, was on the femalefirst website 9 days ago.

Perhaps more worrying is that the same quote from Mr Hefner was also used 10 days ago in a slightly different story by, er, one of the Bizarre team. Perhaps "MY team" should compare notes more often.

Mika shall inherit the earth - 22nd January,,4-2007030439,00.html

"Last night his debut single Grace Kelly went straight in at No1 on downloads alone."

No it didn't, it climbed up from No 3 where it went straight in last week. And it's not even his debut single - that was "Relax (Take It Easy)" which was released on 7" and Download last October.

"And I can exclusively announce that Mika has already landed a massive deal with fashion guru PAUL SMITH."

That was mentioned via the Evening Standard website This Is London on December 13th last year. And in The Independent on December 31st. And The Daily Mail on the 12th of January.

Friday, 19 January 2007

Danger! Preston reversing - 19th January,,4-2007030116,00.html

"Chantelle has been driving Preston around since the couple met on last year’s Celebrity Big Brother."

They met in January 2006, Chantelle only passed her own driving test in October 2006.

(P.S. - for all Preston's apparent bravado about never having had a lesson, he still legally would have had to pass his Theory and Hazard Perception test in order to even book a Practical test. But that's not very rock 'n' roll, is it?)

Thursday, 18 January 2007

No sects please, we're British - 18th January,,4-2007020799,00.html

An article based on pure speculation and guesswork marked as "Exclusive". Plus Vicky is far from the first person to speculate on the subject.

Try here 5 days ago. Or here 4 days ago. Or even this from December 21st.

Gwen's video is Stef of legend - 18th January,,4-2007020787,00.html

"One thing’s for sure – when it comes to looking good, stylish Gwen’s hair never lets her down..."

That's not what you said here. Or here.

Wednesday, 17 January 2007

Take hat for new video shoot - 17th January,,4-2007020593,00.html

"My exclusive pictures" are funnily enough not quite as exclusive as Vicky may think, as there were also some in this week's 'heat' magazine, out yesterday.

(Screenshot: here)

Tuesday, 16 January 2007

Sigourney: I'll be OAP actress - 16th January,,2004580002-2007020548,00.html

"One of the reasons I wanted to be an actor was that I knew HUGH CRONIN and JESSICA TANDY, who kept working through their 80s," she says."

By "Hugh Cronin" I can only assume Vicky means Hume Cronyn.

UPDATE: Interesting! The paragraph with the error has now been removed. Nice to know they're reading... Luckily the Google News search hasn't caught up with the edit. Click me!

Here come the Camden Caners! - 15th January,,4-2007020315,00.html

"Cool pubs such as The Hawley Arms and The Camden Lock have become the epicentre of this exciting new rock’n’roll scene."

Just nipping back to this article from yesterday. The second pub Vicky mentions is actually called The Lock Tavern, not The Camden Lock. See picture above. I should make a quip about Goths and Camden here. But I won't.

(thanks number ten)

Awards mean it's Lil's Brit'un - 16th January,,4-2007020440,00.html

"The other shake-up is that ROBBIE WILLIAMS has a nomination after all. It was wrongly reported in a rival newspaper that King Of The Brits Robbie — who has a record 15 gongs — is to be snubbed. But he will be nominated for British Live Act — alongside GEORGE MICHAEL, among others."

The "rival newspaper", The Mirror, ran a story on Saturday saying Robbie would get no nominations for his album or single. But they also said "
But all 32-year-old Robbie has is a conciliatory nomination in the Best Live Act category." So, er, we already knew that, Vicky. It's no good having a dig at your rivals if you can't even read their article properly.

Vicky even goes as far as repeating her claim again in another article today - "I can reveal the success of his gigs means he WILL receive a nomination for Best Live Act Brit." No, Vicky, you're not revealing it - 3am already did that 4 days ago.

UPDATE: Thanks to james in the comments pointing out that Vicky is also wrong to say that the footage of Jarvis Cocker bum-waving at Michael Jackson at the 1996 Brits was "never shown on TV". It has been, countless times. I seem to remember it even being on the news the day after. Think about it - I bet you can picture exactly what he did.

Monday, 15 January 2007

Elisha Cuthbert is soaking wet - 15th January,,2004580002-2007020361,00.html
"It tells the story of a sweet Midwestern guy (JESSE BRADFORD) who is wooed, groomed, and ultimately dumped by a complicated, elusive gal (Elisha)."

A very well-written description of the film there.

Written by somebody else.

Friday, 12 January 2007

Bin there, done that Jamelia - 12th January,,4-2007010734,00.html

Odd article today about CDs being sold at reduced prices. It's a fair point that Jamelia's latest album being available for £3.97 after less than 4 months in the shops is quite a drop, but as Vicky herself says, it's the January sales and the album didn't sell well. It's not that big a shock.

"the cover price has dropped by nearly a tenner from £12.99"

In the "big grocery chains" Vicky specifies, you'd have been struggling to find Jamelia's CD for more than £9.97 the day it came out. Each of the "Big 4" (Tesco, ASDA, Sainsbury's, Morrisons) sell single-disc chart CDs for under a tenner.

"Jamelia's record label have clearly accepted a huge loss to improve flagging sales."

If the record label is trying to improve the chart position, they would have had to sell each CD to the retailer for at least £6, otherwise it wouldn't be eligible for the main album chart (that's one of the rules set out by the Official Charts Company). The people losing out are the retailers if they paid £6 or more for the CD in the first place.

The other examples Vicky gives of albums available for low prices are rather flimsy, too. Let's see how long these releases have been available:

Journey South - Journey South - 10 months
Babyshambles - Down In Albion - 1 year 2 months
Son of Dork - Welcome To Loserville - 1 year 2 months
Fatboy Slim - Palookaville - 2 years 3 months
Joss Stone - Mind, Body & Soul - 2 years 4 months

All the article demonstrates is that Vicky has little awareness of how the music industry and retail work. Albums don't have infinite shelf-life, they will only sell in large quantities for a short time (if at all). Albums that keep selling enough to be high in the charts even 6 months after release, let alone after more than 2 years, are few and far between. Some of the examples she gives above didn't even sell well in their first month.

Over time, less people will want to pay full price for something that isn't 'new', so record companies drop their dealer price of each CD, and so retailers sell them for less. The majority of CDs you find in a "sale" in somewhere like HMV or Virgin are new stock that has been bought in by the stores at a reduced dealer price - it's not necessarily the shop getting rid of unpopular stock they can't sell.

Bit of a rant there, but it just demonstrates how one small fact (in this case Jamelia's album being cheap) can lead to the writing of a pointless feature based on the simple fact that sometimes you can buy CDs at a lower price than they were before. And this from "Showbiz Journalist of the Year"?

Britney pups down to the shops - 12th January,,4-2007010720,00.html

"The singer took her pooch to a pet shop in Bel Air to get it a new coat – with her toddler SEAN PRESTON in tow. But while Britney kept the mutt close to her chest, it fell to her minder to carry her one-year-old son."

It's not her minder, it's her ex-but-now-back-again manager, Larry Rudolph.

In addition, if Vicky had looked at some of the other pictures available from X17 (the agency The Sun bought the pictures from) she might have worked out that they showed Britney going into the pet shop to buy the dog.

Destination: pet "store"

Arrival: without dog

Departure: with dog

Buy Me Puppy One More Time. (sorry) So it's not that she "prefers" the dog, it's not that her "PRIORITIES?" are messed up, it's that she'd just bought a puppy and wanted to carry it out of the shop. But I suppose if she'd carried her son and given the dog to her manager it would have been written up as her neglecting the new puppy...she's never going to win with Vicky.

BritneyRes has all the pictures, including some of Britney paying attention to her son and acting like a normal mum. But obviously Vicky didn't use those. Far better to highlight a bit of chipped nail varnish and use it as 'evidence' of declining mental health...

Thursday, 11 January 2007

Grab Bag of Inaccuracy - 11th January

A few more little bits for you, all from today (a bad day even by Vicky's standards).

First off, Preston walking off Never Mind The Buzzcocks. (Yes, I know this article wasn't written by Vicky, but it's under the Bizarre banner on the website, so I'm having it!)

"The singer, 24 — who met Essex girl Chantelle, 23, on last year’s Celebrity Big Brother — is the first star to walk off the BBC2 show in ten years."

Nope - Lemmy from Motorhead did it in March 1998.

"KELLY OSBOURNE has revealed that mum SHARON used to send her poo to journalists."

Actually, Sharon "revealed" that over a month ago in an interview in The Guardian. And in her autobiography. And several times before that too. (thanks verity)

Unsigned pop-punk band Koopa released a download-only single this week which on Tuesday was number 17 in the charts, based on Monday's sales. On Thursday, Vicky writes

The track — being backed by Radio 1 DJ STEVE LAMACQ — is edging up the charts"

By "edging up", does Vicky mean "fell to number 33 on Wednesday"? Because that's what happened... (UPDATE: still at number 33 on Thursday...ended up at number 31 by Sunday.)

Robbie's £171,000 per week - 11th January,,4-2007010566,00.html

"I’ve been shown a copy of his company’s latest accounts, which reveal Robbie paid himself £7.2million for the past year. The salary alone breaks down as an average of £171,000 a week — or £25,000 a day."

"I've been shown" = "I've seen the freely available accounts which have to be published every year anyway".

I think the Bizarre calculator must be broken as well, as £7,200,000 divided by 52 weeks works out as £138,461 per week and £19,780 per day, not £171,000 and £25,000. (You'd actually get Vicky's figures if you divided it by 42 weeks, so maybe her finger slipped. Either that or there is some accounting trick I'm not aware of - do let me know if you know better.)

The impact of this 'news' is also somewhat lessened by the fact that The Mirror ran the same story 11 months ago, and from those accounts it seems he was earning more than that in 2005. "Robbie Earning Less Than He Was Before Shocker" doesn't really work though, does it?

MORE: It gets better! Far from being "his" company, In Good Company is jointly owned by Robbie, his management (ie:music) and EMI and the profits are split. Also, the company is solely for non-recording revenue, so "income from his Intensive Care album", "ongoing revenues from all his EMI records" and "thanks to profits from his Rudebox album" are all non applicable when it comes to the profits Vicky is writing about.

Finally, "
one famous pal of his told me recently: “Rob actually suffers from manic depression.”" Could that insightful pal have been Stephen Fry, who discussed the subject with Robbie on national television in front of a couple of million people just a few months ago? Or perhaps it was one of the readers of his book "Feel", where he talks about it?

Wednesday, 10 January 2007

VickyWatch Classic - Madonna

We all know Vicky is a fan of Madonna (look - even Madge is paying tribute to Vicky's style in the photo above). It's just worrying how much a fan can get wrong.

How about this from 2004, where Madge was going to make a new cowboy film produced by Martin Scorsese. Not only that but the soundtrack album would be her next musical release, and the first single would be something from the 1920s called "There'll Be Some Changes Made". None of this ever happened of course. If it had, it would have also been fun to see how the "mastermind" of her American Life video handled directing a big-budget film, considering the man in question was actually the "costume designer".

And as mentioned back in the first post of this blog, there's this little gem from early 2005. Confessions In A Mosh Pit anyone?

How about the perfume that never appeared? The 2006 Brits performance that didn't happen? The concerts in Japan launching the Confessions on a Dance Floor album that neither took place nor heralded a world tour? (In fact as it turned out Japan was the last stop on the tour.)

What happened to the voicing of a character in an animated Puss in Boots film which isn't going to see the light of day until 2010? The role of Candy Darling in a film which never happened?

And last but not least, let's remember the time Vicky sat in a room with 50 other journalists listening to Confessions on a Dance Floor, and the next day proclaimed "I’m the first journo IN THE WORLD to have heard her new album"

Life is a myyyyysterrrrryyyy...

Monday, 8 January 2007

Alba's doggy lovin' in park - 8th January,,2004580002-2007010178,00.html

"I imagine Jess needs to conserve her energy – she’s due to work on no less than SEVEN different movies this year, including Sin City 2 and Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer."

Aside from the usual "my snapper" rubbish, Vicky has obviously taken time to have a 3-second glance at Yes, seven films are listed as 2007 on there for Ms Alba, but that doesn't mean she will be working on all of them - it refers to the year the film is due to be released.

If Vicky had spent maybe 10 more seconds browsing, she would see that of those seven, two of them are completed and three are in post-production, meaning filming is completed and the special effects etc are being added, and that currently Ms Alba is scheduled to work on two films this year. Not seven.

Sunday, 7 January 2007


See that picture? It's a trumpet being blown. It's my own trumpet. VickyWatch is in the press.

Independent On Sunday (Media Diary, halfway down the page)

Roy Greenslade Guardian Blog

BBC America Anglophenia

Saturday, 6 January 2007

Manson and Dita to split - 6th January,,4-2007000741,00.html

"Manson, whose real name is the marginally more dull Brian Warner, had been dating gorgeous Dita for seven years before they married."

Nope. It's well documented that Dita turned up at Manson's house on January 5th 2001 (his 32nd birthday) with a bottle of absinthe, and they'd been together since that date. As they got married on December 3rd 2005, that makes it just shy of 4 years 11 months between dating and marriage.

I guess mistakes like this are bound to happen if all you do is re-write articles from the New York Post's 'Page Six' column - tellingly, they also made the same blunder.

Friday, 5 January 2007

Biz Bites - 5th January

All true. As reported in The Mirror a week ago. Keep up, Vicky.

Lily paid £500 ransom for dog - 5th January,,4-2007000580,00.html

Following this piece last week, where Vicky claimed "my army" of Bizarre readers had been asked to help find Lily Allen's dog (they hadn't), the story reaches a conclusion today with even more outlandish claims on Vicky's part.

Not only does she claim some of the credit for the dog being found ("But the offer of a reward, plus an army of Bizarre readers sniffing out the culprits after my call to hunt the dognappers, encouraged the thieves to get in touch with Lily."), but ends the piece with "Last week when I revealed that Maggie had vanished, Lily told me:" followed by direct quotes lifted from Lily's MySpace blog (the same ones she used last week). "I revealed"? "Lily told me"? You didn't reveal, and Lily didn't tell you.

Then add the following: "
Emotional Lily rushed back from her hols to be reunited with her pet yesterday, as my picture shows." It wasn't yesterday, it was Wednesday - but then Vicky should know that, as "my picture" has again been nicked from Lily's blog, posted at 5pm that day.

Needless to say, every quote from Lily in today's piece regarding the return of her dog has also been lifted, word for word, from her MySpace blog.

There certainly has been a lot of theft going on, hasn't there?

Muse tops with loads of sales - 5th January,,4-2007000593,00.html

"MUSE hold the title of the top-selling download album of 2006 with Black Holes & Revelations. It beat ARCTIC MONKEYS, SNOW PATROL and GNARLS BARKLEY to the top spot."

Well, sort of. The press release from which Vicky has taken this info was courtesy of 7Digital and ONLY applies to their sales, therefore not counting every other available download service. Vicky must have missed (or chosen to ignore) the footnote on the press release which says: "[1] 2006 rankings are based on download sales from throughout 2006."

Wednesday, 3 January 2007

£1.5m George Putin on the Ritz - 3rd January,,4-2007000235,00.html

And here's another "Exclusive" which you could find on the net at teatime yesterday. Or also yesterday on ITN, Channel 4, Metro, the Daily Mail, the Independent, Guardian...etc

(Obligatory screenshot)

Oh The Irony! - 3rd January,,4-2007000203,00.html

Wait, let me get this right. You, Victoria Newton, are taking great pleasure in accusing someone else of lying and making things up, and have decided on a "Pinocchio award" for people who do so? Well, I suppose it's one you can be guaranteed to win...

Tuesday, 2 January 2007

Jude and Sadie holiday reunion - 2nd January,,4-2007000118,00.html

Along with an all-new Vicky "Sponsored By Adobe" Newton byline photo, the misuse of the word "Exclusive" has made its 2007 debut today, with a story about Jude Law and Sadie Frost spending Christmas together in South Africa. The details of this "exclusive" first appeared in the South African Sunday Times on December 31st (and subsequently all over the Internet since then) and if you have a read of that article, then this piece in Bizarre strikes me as more like a rewrite as opposed to an exclusive...

(Screenshot of original article, as "Exclusive" may be removed!)

Monday, 1 January 2007

Mystic Vic predicts... - 1st January,,4-2006600584,00.html

New Year, new Photoshop job. At least this time Vicky has managed to discover that Siobhan Donaghy had a previous solo album, unlike last time.

"You may not know the name MARK RONSON but I bet you’ve heard his work. The producer earned praise for his work on LILY ALLEN and AMY WINEHOUSE’s albums and has also worked with MADONNA and ROBBIE WILLIAMS."

Three out of four isn't bad - but he's never worked with Madonna. (Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't see anything...)

The rest of the recommendations stretch the use of "mystic" to breaking point. Far from being freshly discovered talent, these are all acts tipped for the top by a multitude of other sources already, and most have already released material. NME on The Enemy - "The band we have been waiting for since Oasis went to seed." Music Week recommended The Hoosiers as one of their top ten tips for 2007 the other week. The Klaxons, CSS, The Horrors - all tipped for the top last year by the press. All of them have released material already, all of it has done nothing chart-wise. The CSS album has been out since last July, and is due for re-release in March.

And let's not forget that this time last year, amongst the usual predictions of people with existing track records, Vicky was telling us that Paris Hilton would be experiencing Britney Spears levels of success in the charts, and that we'd get new albums from Radiohead and Kylie...