VickyWatch

VickyWatch: Mission Complete

2007-11-16T16:58:00.000Z

The time has come. After nearly making it to a whole year, VickyWatch is being laid to rest. I think the job has been done. It got press attention, important people read it, The Sun monkeys changed their stories after checking it every day. It's even going to be in a TV documentary soon.

I was going to write a piece tomorrow saying how there hadn't been any mistakes this week, and then EXCLUSIVELY REVEAL that it's because Vicky is on holiday at the moment. But then today it was announced that she is leaving the Bizarre column for pastures new. Sort of. Incredibly, despite years of incompetence, mistakes and lies, Vicky has been promoted to Head of Features and Entertainment. At some point soon you'll be reading Gordon Smart's Bizarre. This is Gordon Smart:

Go here and you can see more pics of shirtless Gordon, and also a photo of his wife in bed asleep. (EDIT: Except you can't now, because he's deleted the photos - check out his MySpace instead.) So good luck to Gordon. I hope I don't have to start a blog for you too...

Of course good luck to Vicky as well. It just goes to show that at The Sun, it doesn't matter how many lies you tell or how bad you are at your job, a great pair of tits is always a winner.

Au revoir!

Darwin
x

Biker girl Brit gets touched up - 6th November

2007-11-06T18:09:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article433441.ece

"BRITNEY SPEARS is almost unrecognisable in this newly released promotional shot for her upcoming album Blackout. Blackout - which entered the UK charts at No2 on Sunday - is set to go to No1 in the American Billboart chart this weekend and has become Britney's fastest selling album ever in the UK."

So this is an upcoming album which went on sale last Monday? Okay...

For "newly released" read "one of the photos which is in the CD booklet" - see here.

Ronan and lads reunion tour - 5th November

2007-11-05T07:44:00.001Z

Ronan Keating's website, Sunday 4th November: There have been lots of Boyzone rumours flying around lately. I always said you would be the first to know of any news, so... On Friday 16th November the five members of Boyzone will be reforming for a special exclusive performance for the BBC's 'Children In Need' show!!

Vicky on the Sun website, Monday 5th November: The Boyz – or should that be Men – are reuniting to play at BBC’s Children In Need this month, where they will perform a medley of old hits. And lead singer RONAN KEATING chose his favourite showbiz column to break the happy news in a phone call to me yesterday.

Download FREE Minogue mix - 2nd November

2007-11-02T22:24:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article421057.ece

"The Ozzy pop rocket releases her tenth collection X on November 26, but if you can’t wait that long I’ve got my hands on a nifty mega-mix of fresh songs that should conclusively whet your appetite."

Ozzy? Anyway... "I've got my hands on" Well it's taken you a while, Vicky, as Kylie has been offering it free from her own website since Monday. In fact the page Kylie had is just like yours minus the gratuitous Sun logos...

'Mucca's a compulsive liar' - 1st November

2007-11-01T17:40:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article413024.ece

It was set in stone that the moment Heather Mills started to rant about tabloid lies that one journalist would immediately get on the defensive. Yep, our Vicky. It was hard not to overdose on irony this morning reading Vicky's equally barmy tirade.

"The fact is she’s told so many lies that I’m sure she is now unable to tell fact from fiction."

I really think this needs to be the new quote at the top of the page, don't you?

Take That star's hospital agony - 27th October

2007-10-27T08:11:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article394455.ece

A statement was published on Take That's official website yesterday, informing people that band member Howard Donald was in hospital and wouldn't be taking part in last night's show in Vienna.

This, somehow, not only got turned into an EXCLUSIVE by Vicky, but has ended up on the front page of the newspaper as the day's main story. Now, is it an exclusive because no-one else had the story, or an exclusive because no-one in their right mind would consider a story about a member of a reformed boyband being injured as being more important that any other news story in the entire world? I think it just shows quite how low The Sun is sinking.

New Brit tracks on The Sun - 23rd October

2007-10-24T06:46:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article378673.ece

"BRITNEY SPEARS is back. And this is the only place on the entire planet you can listen to FIVE tracks from her new album."

Yes...apart from the website linked on the bottom of the media player -

http://www.gimmemorebritney.co.uk/

which is where it has been pilfered from in the first place.

New Spice Girls track leaked - 23rd October

2007-10-23T06:31:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article366711.ece

"THE new SPICE GIRLS single Headlines was leaked on the internet yesterday – weeks before the planned release. The girls’ label EMI called in legal eagles to get the audio recording taken off YouTube. But SPORTY, POSH, GINGER, SCARY and BABY kindly let me have the first full listen to the track yesterday. And I can reveal it is classic Spice ballad material in the style of 2 Become 1 – their No1 from 1996."

The full track has not leaked on the internet, it was a 30-second clip which was legally given to the Amazon.com website in the US. People then ripped this clip and uploaded it to YouTube.

But if the full song had leaked, which Vicky is claiming, then that means people would have heard it. So how can she have had the "first full listen"? That doesn't even make sense.

Shaun takes on X Factor winner - 19th October

2007-10-19T15:47:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article360587.ece

"SHAUN THE SHEEP is hot to trot to land this year's festive chart-topper, I can reveal. And WALLACE & GROMIT's pal could be the main challenger to the winner from the X Factor herd because I hear his track Life's A Treat is not half baa-d. And he has had words of encouragement from comic VIC REEVES - his voice in 1995's Oscar-winning short film Wallace and Gromit in A Close Shave."

Where to start? "I hear...it's not half baa-d" - an opinion that could be formed by any 3 year-old who watches the Shaun the Sheep TV series, as "Life's A Treat" is the theme tune.

Vic Reeves didn't do Shaun's voice in A Close Shave - Shaun doesn't speak, and never has. He just bleats.

The Vic Reeves connection is that he performs "Life's A Treat", and it will be Vic who actually performs the Christmas single - so it won't even be Shaun the Sheep in the running for the Christmas number one, it'll be Vic Reeves.

Ewe need to do better research, Vicky.

Amy arrested by Norway cops - 19th October

2007-10-19T15:37:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article362661.ece

Ooh, naughty naughty! No, not Amy, I mean Danielle Lawler, sticking EXCLUSIVE on this article which was published this morning, when it was the HolyMoly website which broke the story at around 8pm last night. Websites from New York to Melbourne have credited Holy Moly for it, but not our good old Bizarre column!

Hear Orson's new album first - 15th October

2007-10-15T18:03:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article344282.ece

"ORSON return next Monday with a brand new album, but you can listen to it here first. I’ve got my hands on Culture Vultures before anyone else on the planet and am streaming the entire 11 track collection below."

Anyone else on the planet? So how did Female First review it last week? Or you could go along to 7Digital, where you can also listen to previews of every track.

Razorlight future is uncertain - 15th October

2007-10-15T06:38:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article340902.ece

THE future of RAZORLIGHT doesn’t look too sharp – I can reveal JOHNNY BORRELL is working on solo projects. Another insider told me: “It’s been on the cards for a while because no one can stand working with him. The band are on the brink of splitting up – everybody just wants to move on now.”

FemaleFirst, August 28th: Rocker JOHNNY BORRELL's RAZORLIGHT bandmates are begging him to release a solo record - because he's too creative for one band. Borrell is so obsessed with music, drummer Andy Burrows fears he'll explode if he can't find other ways to express himself. Burrows says, "I really wish he would do a solo record. He's got material coming out of his ears, that goes does not stop working. He writes on tour, he writes in his sleep, he writes all the bloody time. There's so much great stuff."

Brit's a hit with raunchy album - 13th October

2007-10-13T09:41:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article336307.ece

"Last month I told you I’d had the first listen to the album and it was actually quite good. Now I can reveal the cover and tracklist."

Let's translate this:

"Last month I copied a 3 week-old article from Entertainment Weekly and listened to some songs on YouTube and told you I'd had the first listen to the album. Now despite having listened to it before, I'm only now telling you the tracklist, even though if I'd already heard the album, I should have been able to reveal the tracklist two weeks ago - right? Oh, and by "I can reveal" I actually mean "I cut and pasted this from the numerous celebrity blogs which had it on Friday afternoon.""

Rock stars Q up to bore us - 10th October

2007-10-11T17:23:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article321133.ece

"SADLY, this year’s Q Awards heralded one of the most uneventful evenings ever for good old-fashioned rock ’n’ roll behaviour. Monday night could only muster some four letter words from STEREOPHONICS’ KELLY JONES and SIR PAUL McCARTNEY and — DAMON ALBARN aside — a bit of mild boozing."

'Evenings'? 'Monday night'? Was Vicky at the same awards as everyone else? Because the ones she is reporting on were over and done with by 3pm. Even the BBC website had a rundown of the winners by 3:30pm.

'Eva Longoria' sex tape on web - 1st October

2007-10-02T06:39:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007450554,00.html

'Showbiz Exclusive' - or story doing the rounds since last Thursday. It's a fine line!

First listen of Britney album - 29th September

2007-09-29T08:42:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007450301,00.html

"But I’m the first journalist in the world to hear her new album and I can tell you — BRITNEY’s back, bitch!"

This one's a classic. It's a WORLD EXCLUSIVE. Our very own Vicky has had the world's first listen to the new Britney album. She's so excited by it that she's only managed to review three of the tracks though, and name two of the others. Which is a bit weird.

Or could it be that at the moment, only five tracks have been confirmed for the album, and, er, four of them were reviewed by Entertainment Weekly nearly 3 weeks ago? And which tracks were they given to listen to? Oh! It's Piece of Me, Radar, Break the Ice and Heaven on Earth - funnily enough the exact same songs Vicky mentions!

Entertainment Weekly: 'Piece of Me' kicks off with her standard breathy-sexy growl over a thumping hook: ''I'm Mrs. American dream/ Since I was 17.'' Then things get darker: ''I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous/I'm Mrs. 'Oh my God, that Britney's shameless'/ I'm Mrs. 'Extra, extra, this just in' / I'm Mrs. 'She's too fat, now she's too thin.'''

Vicky: It opens with the line: “I’m Mrs American Dream, since 17, they want a piece of me.” The chorus really hits home with a message about the crazy publicity circus surrounding the fallen pop princess. She sings: “I’m successful, rich and famous, I’m Mrs Oh My God I’m Britney Shameless, I’m Mrs Extra, Extra, This Just In, I’m Mrs She’s Too Big, She’s Too Thin.”

"Ah, but Vicky has lyrics to 'Heaven on Earth' which EW didn't publish!" I hear you cry. Well, it's pretty easy - the song has been floating around the internet for about a month. Have a listen yourself, and then click on 'more' where it says "This is a leaked demo..." and you too can copy and paste lyrics into any document you like.

So I think we can surmise from this that Vicky hasn't heard the new album at all, or certainly no more than is already publicly available.

Char gives birth to baby girl - 22nd September

2007-09-22T07:41:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007440185,00.html

"CHARLOTTE CHURCH is the proud mother of a baby girl — but was told she was expecting a boy."

Really? So how come 3 weeks ago, Bizarre printed this:

"GUTTED CHARLOTTE CHURCH wanted to call her baby Ava — but MYLEENE KLASS beat her to it. Charlotte and lover GAVIN HENSON, 25, may call the tot Lucius if it is a boy."

So why would they be 'gutted' at not being able to use a girl's name if they had been told they were expecting a boy, as Vicky's lackey is claiming today? One of the stories is a lie, it seems.

Kylie's new album is X-rated - 22nd September

2007-09-22T07:27:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007440152,00.html

"Kylie’s X, her first studio album in four years, will be released on November 10"

Considering this whole article has been written off the back of a press release that went out yesterday, you'd think Vicky could get the date right - the album comes out on November 26th. Screenshot.

Never Mind, It's Bollocks

2007-09-18T15:55:00.000Z

Poor Vicky, must have got confused between two places! But what's 200 miles between venues, eh? It's been changed now, of course.

On another note, let's have a look at what Vicky's rivals over at the Mirror, the 3AM Girls, have to say today.

"Which gossipmonger who's been harping on about celebs being banned from the Chateau Marmont hotel, has a life ban from the LA hotspot herself? She was shown the door after angering staff there last year."

WHO CAN THEY MEAN?

I love Kylie's two hearts - 14th September

2007-09-14T06:44:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007420803,00.html

"KYLIE MINOGUE has chosen Bizarre-backed 2 Hearts as her new single. The Pop Princess listened to my advice and decided it should be the first release from her forthcoming album."

Yes, Vicky is actually claiming credit for helping Kylie and her record company decide what to release as a single. Despite the fact that fan sites and music forums have been abuzz with the knowledge that this would be the case for weeks now. For instance, a post on the Popjustice forum on August 28th - which Vicky caught up with 3 days later.

I suspect Vicky is excited because she was mentioned in the official press release which went out yesterday: "Writing of the song, The Sun's Victoria Newton recently said: "It is a surefire No. 1, a classic Kylie song you won't stop humming. Expect her to hit No. 1 in both charts when the single and album are released in November.""

Britney shows she's a bad girl - 14th September

2007-09-14T06:25:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2007420794,00.html

Picture EXCLUSIVE, huh? "My exclusive picture". Shame that this was released on September 6th by MTV as a promo shot for Britney's appearance at the VMAs... Even this Britney fansite had it 8 days ago.

How To Create An Exclusive by James Clench

2007-09-13T06:38:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007420631,00.html

Ingredients:

1) Story from yesterday's People Magazine
2) Some pills
3) A vivid imagination

Funny how Britney went ballistic at her hairdresser "moments before" her performance, and yet there was still time to call a doctor, for the doctor to arrive, prescribe medication (which he happened to have with him), for her to take it and for it to take effect in her body.

Madge is Queen of Poppins - 12th September

2007-09-12T06:49:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007420424,00.html

So here we have yet another fake EXCLUSIVE from the Bizarre stable. This tale of Madonna walking around with a strap-on in a bag was first on Just Jared on MONDAY. And yet somehow, 48 hours later, a Vicky Lackey (TM) decides this is a story no-one else has. Except for every celebrity blog on the planet.

P Diddy's fury at drugs slurs - 5th September

2007-09-05T15:55:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007410314,00.html

Second non EXCLUSIVE of the day from a Vicky lackey. Nicking stuff from HolyMoly doesn't exactly scream "I GOT THIS FIRST", does it?

Kate's dating a new rocker - 5th September

2007-09-05T06:40:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007410346,00.html

Time for one of Vicky's lackeys to claim EXCLUSIVE today. Not so much an exclusive as the lengthening of a story that already appeared in the Sunday Mirror three days ago. The print edition also carried the same photo that appears in today's Sun. The lackey manages to name the man (wow, three days to find that out - good sleuthing) and get a different "source". But this is hardly the stuff EXCLUSIVES are made of is it?

Are Sugababes in strife again? - 4th September

2007-09-04T15:33:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007410139,00.html

"ALL is not sweetness and light in the SUGABABES camp. I hear the girls could be poised for yet ANOTHER change to their line-up. KEISHA BUCHANAN and HEIDI RANGE held a crisis summit about the future of new girl AMELLE BERRABAH after a string of blazing rows in the recording studio. And it seems Amelle’s days could be numbered after the girls arranged secret auditions for a new member to join the group."

A few hours later on the official Sugababes website:

"Contrary to speculation Amelle Berrabah is not leaving Sugababes. Amelle and her bandmates Keisha Buchanan and Heidi Range are in rehearsals this week for forthcoming live shows and have just completed filming for the video for their new single “About You Now” which will be released on 24th September, upfront of their new studio album “Change” which is released on 8th October. There have been no auditions for a new band member. "

So what do you think? Denying an untrue story, or cleverly using silly Vicky as a marketing tool?

Tatt's a little bit messy, Jesse - 30th August

2007-08-30T06:46:00.001Z

August 30th: Jesse whined on: “Those girls I was photographed with meant nothing to me. I’d never betray Nadine. “I still love her and it is my dream that we get back together soon.” Don't hold your breath, mate.

August 13th: YOU heard it from me first – and here’s the proof that NADINE COYLE is back with Desperate Housewives hunk JESSE METCALFE.

UPDATE: September 3rd: "In another twist just three weeks ago, it looked like Nadine had forgiven him when she was snapped with her arms around him in an LA car park. But today Nadine reveals the truth behind the rumours. The singer insists Jesse NEVER cheated on her and reveals they are NOT an item again, despite those infamous pictures."

Do I even need to remind anyone which journalist took those "infamous pictures" as PROOF that Nadine and Jesse were back together? One of the pictures is reprinted today with the caption "Saying goodbye ... couple's embrace was not a sign they were getting back together."

Only a fool would have jumped to that conclusion.

Foo Fighters in V big surprise - 18th August

2007-08-18T07:43:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007380333,00.html

"THIS Is A Call for all FOO FIGHTERS fans – you can expect an extra-special surprise today at the V Festival. I can reveal the band are going to pack a punch with a top secret gig. I hear from impeccable sources that they are also planning a surprise for their fans. They will be playing an EXTRA set today, using another name. The band will be billed as 606 and are set to perform at 1pm on the smaller Channel 4 stage in Chelmsford. 'Somehow they have managed to keep it top secret so there wasn't a big circus around it.' Until now that is...oops!"

Ah here we are again in the Land of I Can Reveal. It doesn't seem to matter that Dave Grohl has made no secret of their potential smaller gigs, leading NME back in May to headline a piece "Foo Fighters to play secret festival slots" (click picture above). He said "I don’t want to give away any suprises and I know we’re playing the big stages, but you might want to keep an eye on the side stages too.”

No, this is Vicky revealing it to us, 3 months later. A cursory glance at Foo Fighters messageboards also shows that fans have been on the ball about this for several weeks now.

Scary Spice's second splice - 9th August

2007-08-09T16:00:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2007360705,00.html

Another day, another fake WORLD EXCLUSIVE. Funny how this morning this was just a plain old EXCLUSIVE, but has now been upgraded for some unfathomable reason.

Once again the story was reported elsewhere before Vicky got hold of it. Even the TMZ website has the decency to credit Perez Hilton with breaking the news... Maybe Vicky is trying to work out who it's better to piss off - Perez or Rebekah...

Then of course there's turning a publicist's statement:

"The couple, who are both 32, had wanted to keep the ceremony out of the public eye as they planned a more formal wedding for friends and family later in the year. Melanie and Stephen felt that they were at a good point in their lives and wanted to make a private commitment to each other. They have been good friends for many years."

into quotes from Mel B herself.

"Last night Mel said: “Stephen and I have known each other for seven years. We wanted to make a commitment. We wanted it to be private and have a big wedding with our families later in the year.”

Shameless!

UPDATE - 10th August.

"I exclusively revealed in yesterday’s paper that Mel had tied the knot with old friend Stephen."

Can you smell burning? I think Vicky's pants are on fire!

Brit's crazy for it - 8th August

2007-08-08T15:31:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007360707,00.html

I reckon Vicky thinks this story about Britney Spears might be a WORLD EXCLUSIVE. I'm not sure whether it's the way WORLD EXCLUSIVE is printed in the newspaper, or the way WORLD EXCLUSIVE is on the front page of The Sun's website, as well as it saying WORLD EXCLUSIVE on the front page of Bizarre. Also, surprisingly, it says WORLD EXCLUSIVE on the actual page of the article too. What do you think she's trying to say with this?

Perhaps it's that no-one else has this story? I suspect that might be it. I'm going to have to assume that by WORLD, Vicky means WORLD (except America), as their equivalent of 'heat' magazine, Us Weekly, had this story and pictures on the front cover of their magazine yesterday (see mag cover above).

Rebekah has already chewed Vicky's ear for missing the Pete Doherty interview, might not be a good idea to be claiming a fake WORLD EXCLUSIVE at this point...

Blink and you'll miss it hypocrisy - 3rd August

2007-08-03T15:35:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007350825,00.html

Ah, those heady days of January 2007, when Celebrity Big Brother and Jade Goody prompted The Sun to run with the headline 'EVICT THE FACE OF HATE' alongside various pictures of Jade in mid blink, yawn, or whatever made her look like a Nazi. This down partly to the fact that Jade had called Shilpa Shetty "Shilpa Poppadom".

Yet, a little over 6 months later, Vicky seems to think it's okay to label a photograph of Hilary Duff dressed in vaguely ethnic clothing as "Hilary Poppaduff". By 11am the caption had been changed, but not before "PrtScn" had been hit on Darwin's keyboard... Click the picture above to see the before and after.

In a similar manner, going back once again to this article in which The Sun denounced the word 'chav' as being on a par with 'paki' and 'chinky', today Vicky gives us Kerry Katona wearing "chavvy" clothes. What is this? Stereotype Friday?

The Madia: Mad's mob flick - 21st July

2007-07-21T13:29:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007330718,00.html

A quick note to start - saying Timbaland equates to 'gangster' is about as accurate as saying Ronan Keating equates to 'thrash metal'. But onto other matters - Chris Paciello and the film Madonna apparently wants to make about his life.

"In the early Nineties Madge was completely smitten with Paciello, who worked as a “nightclub investor” at the time. She was introduced to the tough guy...by her best pal INGRID CASARES and started a passionate two-year relationship."

There were rumours - never confirmed - that Madonna and Paciello were dating. It was in 1997, not the 'early nineties', and they were rumours which lasted for about 2 months, not 2 years.

"My well-placed Madonna source said: “He led Madonna astray in 1992/1993 and most of her friends were unhappy about their relationship at the time."

I dread to think where this source is 'placed', as according to their timeline, Madonna was hanging out with him at the same time he was murdering people on behalf of the Mafia in New York, a year or two before he even moved to Miami and met Ingrid Casares - they didn't even meet until 1995.

"But I can reveal that following his release she has met him three times in the past six months to discuss making a movie about his life with her film company Maverick. A shortlist of stars has been drawn up for the project including MARK WAHLBERG, JOHN CUSACK and star of massive American sci-fi series Heroes MILO VENTIMIGLIA."

This all seemingly despite the fact that a well-received film has already been made about it, starring none other than Mark Wahlberg's brother, Donnie. It was shown on TV in the US in March 2007. Mark Wahlberg was attached to a similar project that fell through in 2004.

New Kasabian EP is bang on - 18th July

2007-07-18T17:33:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007330097,00.html

"KASABIAN have capped an epic summer by announcing a surprise new EP — and the title track Fast Fuse has blown me away. I had the first listen to Fast Fuse yesterday and it is straight out of the rock and roll top drawer."

"the first listen", eh? I can only assume that means that nobody was listening to Zane Lowe's Radio 1 show on Monday night when he played it? Or XFM when they played it that night too? Even Kasabian's PR people sent out an email to thousands of people with the image above on Monday evening, to let fans know it was being played.

This "surprise new EP" has also been on the release schedules since the end of June, and fans on their official forum have been talking about it for a couple of weeks...

Mel B: New man has a big one - 18th July

2007-07-18T06:46:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007330116,00.html

Simple one today - the picture on the left isn't Stephen Belafonte, it's Mel B's ex husband Jimmy Gulzar. It's almost like Vicky is saying they all look the same! Click the pic to make it large.

James goes Back To Blunt - 14th July

2007-07-16T18:15:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007320575,00.html

"But James flew me out to his £1miilion Ibiza hideaway to hear his new songs - and insists he is relaxed about the expectations on him to deliver another chart-topping triumph."

Yes, James did fly Vicky all that way. She just forgets to mention that it was along with FORTY FIVE other hacks from various sources. Not exactly the one-on-one exclusive hearing she's implying...

Russell Brand's bedroom panic - 22nd June

2007-06-22T15:55:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007280850,00.html

"RUSSELL BRAND has let me into a little bedroom secret – he’s had a PANIC ALARM fitted in his boudoir. After his gig at London’s Soho Theatre, the hairy funnyman told me: “I’ve got a panic alarm beside my bed.”"

Not exactly a 'secret', as aside from telling Vicky he also told all the listeners of his Radio 2 show the exact same thing on Sunday past. I guess Vicky isn't enough of a fan to listen to the radio...

Spice Girls return is certain - 22nd June

2007-06-22T15:47:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007280820,00.html

"But the girls have been in the studio recording a new single and I hear they plan to re-release their greatest hits."

In order to re-release something, you'd have to have released it before. The Spice Girls have yet to release any Greatest Hits compilations.

Wall's got a new gal pal - 12th June

2007-06-12T17:31:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007270066,00.html

"Then the Little Britain star went and spoiled it by later taking the actress to GEORGE MICHAEL’s house following the superstar’s sell-out Wembley gig. All straightness was scuppered, especially as gay favourite GERI HALLIWELL was also invited along to the do."

Yet another bordering-on-offensive 'gay-o-meter' story to fill a few column inches (poor Vicky can't be coping well without being able to fill half a page with a picture of Paris Hilton).

Just so we're all aware, if you go inside a gay man's house this now officially means YOU MIGHT BE GAY. Straight men cannot be friends with gay men, this is a MYTH. There must be BUMSEX involved. The presence of two heterosexual women matters not a jot.

In other news, you can catch AIDS off a toilet seat, and kissing gets you pregnant.

George's gig dig aimed at stars - 11th June

2007-06-11T16:34:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007260824,00.html

"After singing Freedom, when a blow-up figure of Prince Charles as the Statue of Liberty holding a gun appeared on stage, he said..."

I reckon he should have said "Oi, Vicky, it's actually Tony Blair. And it's a missile, not a gun."

Re-Brag - 1st June

2007-06-01T20:06:00.000Z

Back on May 17th, Vicky did, amazingly, genuinley, exclusively reveal that Amy Winehouse was getting married. Well done, Vick! In amongst endless pictures of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, with the same words in a different order, a real piece of news. And doesn't Vicky like to remind us!

May 19th - "AMY WINEHOUSE is a married woman, I can exclusively reveal. She wed Blake Fielder-Civil in a secret ceremony in downtown Miami yesterday morning — as I said earlier this week that they would."

May 21st - "The Rehab singer tied the knot with Blake on Friday in Miami after being engaged for just a month, as I exclusively revealed on Saturday."

May 23rd - "Amy’s dad Mitchell has told how he was gutted not to be at the secret wedding on Friday — which I exclusively tipped you off about last week."

May 25th - "As I revealed, Amy’s shock wedding was a huge surprise to her parents."

June 1st - "Bizarre exclusively revealed the couple had tied the knot in Miami two weeks ago."

OKAY, WE GET IT!

Songwriter Tom learns to McFly - 22nd May

2007-05-22T16:35:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007230497,00.html

"McFly’s single, the double A-side Baby’s Coming Back/Transylvania, reached No1 last week and marked the TENTH chart-topper Tom has penned."

No it didn't. 'Baby's Coming Back' is a cover of a track by Jellyfish, and Transylvania was written solely by McFly bandmate Dougie Poynter.

In fact overall the achievement is not quite as spectacular as Vicky is making out. She refers to McFly's hits as being "penned" by Tom, and to Busted's hits as being "co-written" by him. But looking in more detai at the McFly number one singles, there was only one which Tom "penned" by himself - All About You - and that was the official Comic Relief charity single in 2005, so arguably would have topped the charts regardless. And how many other writers are credited on the rest of these number ones?

5 Colours In Her Hair - 2 (Fletcher/Jones)
Obviously - 3 (Fletcher/Jones/Bourne)
I'll Be OK - 3 (Fletcher/Jones/Poynter)
Please, Please - 5 (Fletcher/Jones/Poynter/Judd/Perry)
Star Girl - 7 (Fletcher/Jones/Poynter/Judd/Perry/Emery/Carter)

I don't think we're talking about the next Bob Dylan here...

Robbie & Guy Back For Good - 19th May

2007-05-19T06:41:00.001Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007230156,00.html

Not much of an exclusive when Holy Moly had this story on their front page yesterday. How ironic that their piece ends with "Bet this ends up in The Sun tomorrow."

"Back in April 2005 I reported how the pair were talking again after a three-year feud."

Ah Vicky, but then you forgot how in November 2006 you reported that they hadn't spoken since 2003.

"They fell out after Rob signed a £30 million deal with EMI."

It was £80 million, not 30.

Vicky On MySpaz

2007-05-14T18:19:00.000Z

Well done Vicky! 28 months after everyone else, you got yerself a MySpace profile.

And she's made it a family affair including her graduation photo with her mum and dad.

Next time she criticises someone's fashion sense, just remember this photo of her wearing a dead Muppet. Her recreation of the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" advert is also good.

Her lackeys Gordon Smart and Simon Rothstein also have profiles, and even Vicky's predecessor Dominic Mohan has one.

Vicky gets PWNED

2007-05-11T16:10:00.000Z

A few months ago, one of Vicky's lackeys, John Cole, wrote a piece called "Baby rumous for sober Church." This led to Charlotte Church having to reveal her pregnancy earlier than she wanted to. She contacted the Press Complaints Commission. They upheld her complaint.

Which means The Sun was forced to publish this today. Quite why they haven't seen fit to remove the original article is anyone's guess.

Vicky's Bizarre Outfit

2007-05-02T15:49:00.000Z

It's hard to tell whether Sun columnist Victoria Newton, 46, is chav or chic with this curious ensemble. My snapper caught her off guard at her employer's weekend away at a caravan park. The designer luggage didn't exactly match the saggy tracksuit - and it looks like that's not all that's sagging either.

Paying homage to her roots with the Liverpool FC scarf was a nice touch, considering how much Liverpool hates The Sun. Unfortunately the combination of the tracksuit, brown luggage and scarf makes Vicky look like a cross between a council-estate mum and Paddington Bear. Perhaps like that furry creature, she should have a tag attached to her saying "Please look after this hair."

I wonder if there's any marmalade in those bags? She certainly looks as though she's been getting through a few jars!

(How does that medicine taste, dear? Familiar?)

Congratulations on the award, Vicky!

2007-05-02T15:44:00.000Z

From Media Guardian:

"The Sun's Bizarre team scooped the top gong at last night's 21st Shafta Awards.

The tabloid's showbiz column won the Princess Margaret award for the claim that The Priory inmates Pete Doherty, Justin Hawkins and Tom Keane were getting together to form a band.

Under the headline "Stupor Group", the story ran last August. Alas, Tom Keane said in this week's Q magazine: "Justin Hawkins wasn't even there. If you could see the scenes and the people in The Priory you wouldn't even think it worthy of an article in Bizarre. It made me really angry and really nervous.""

Unsurprisingly, Vicky left that last part out of her article yesterday.

Up and Down with Britney - 28th April

2007-04-28T07:05:00.000Z

April 20th: IT'S not only Britney's career opportunities that have deflated of late. Now she's out of rehab it seems Ms Spears' pneumatic boobs have had the wind knocked out of them too.

April 24th: HERE is BRITNEY SPEARS dancing her way back into shape. The singer was pictured looking toned and tanned going into the Millennium Dance Studio in LA yet again yesterday. Britney has definitely been working on those abs, as you can see from my pictures of her in a skimpy pink top, denim skirt and fishnet stockings.

April 28th: BRITNEY SPEARS should clearly take lessons in how to wear hotpants from NADINE COYLE. Britney, meanwhile, showed off her new slimline figure in tiny shorts and fishnets as she left an LA dance studio with her kids. But unlike Nadine, she looked desperate. We know you’ve lost weight, Britney – you can get dressed now.

MAKE YOUR BLOODY MIND UP, WOMAN!

Lily to sing at Diana concert - 26th April

2007-04-26T17:49:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007190250,00.html

"Queen of Chavs Lily will play the Queen of Hearts memorial gig in front of a massive global TV audience."

Ah, still up to her old bigotry. Perhaps someone should print this off and stick it to her screen?

And I do love the irony of Vicky having a pop at an "ill-informed exclusive".

Robbie's Rudebox up for award - 24th April

2007-04-24T06:40:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007180822,00.html

"ROBBIE WILLIAMS has been nominated for an Ivor Novello award for his single Rudebox. And, yes, you DID read that correctly. Robbie’s self-penned track, which I crowned The Worst Single In History, is shortlisted for one of the top honours for British songwriting."

Either Vicky hasn't bothered looking into it, or she's twising reality to suit her own ends, but the award Robbie is up for isn't what she makes it out to be. Here's a quote from an awards spokesman on the This Is London website: "The nominations are based on statistical data and the award is for the song by a British writer that has sold the most around the world."

So it actually has little to do with the quality of the song, and everything to do with how many copies it sold. But that wouldn't make much of a story, or enable her to churn out 350 words of ill-informed rubbish, would it?

Jord's a booby Oompa Loompa - 23rd April

2007-04-23T06:42:00.002Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007180660,00.html

Times must be hard over at Bizarre judging by today's sources. Apparently "America's verdict" on Katie Price and Peter André's TV show has been given. I'm sure "katie/lynn", a member of the E! Online messageboards will be thrilled to find that a thread she started yesterday with a few throwaway comments has turned her into the voice of America. (Funny how the username "katie/lynn", which could mean any number of things, has turned into her apparent real name of Katie Lynn.)

Vicky managed to leave out the parts where the lovely "katie/lynn" refers to Pete as a "flamer", and little lad Harvey as "a fatty boomba-latty". Or how about "Mother of the year?? Oh brother, only in England would a hooker be named mother of the year."

She's as Nad as hell at Jesse - 21st April

2007-04-21T06:02:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007180519,00.html

"The GIRLS ALOUD singer was furious after the actor was snapped holding hands with another girl... I've decided the Desperate Housewives love rat has to go straight in at No 1 in my Shaggers League."

Riiiiight, so now in VickyWorld, holding hands constitutes a shag? Is that why we never see Jesse's right hand in photographs, because he has a penis growing on the palm?

Rod's wedding Taylor made - 17th April

2007-04-17T06:38:00.000Z

April 2nd 2007: "ROD STEWART and PENNY LANCASTER’s wedding plans are such a closely guarded secret, even family members don’t know where the ceremony will be. But I can put them all out of their misery — it is going to be on an Italian island in mid-June and the smart money is on Capri."

April 17th 2007: "I can reveal the pair are to tie the knot at the exclusive Portofino resort on the Italian Riviera in June and are flying all their guests over by private jet. The actual location for the wedding is a closely guarded secret."

Star Joss dropping like a Stone - 12th April

2007-04-12T16:19:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007160664,00.html

So desperate is Vicky to have a pop at Joss Stone at every opportunity, she's even started re-using old headlines.

"She has dropped ten places to 78th in the Popscores list"

So...she was only at number 68 to begin with? Hardly the "plummet" we're led to believe.

Robbie will sing with Take That - 7th April

2007-04-07T16:31:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007160136,00.html

"I’VE lost count of the number of times a ROBBIE WILLIAMS reunion with TAKE THAT has been either on or off."

Poor Vicky can't even count up from zero! Because it's never been on OR off. There just seems to be a certain type of showbiz journalist who gets desperate for stories and so creates rumours about Robbie rejoining Take That. Not mentioning any Victoria Newton names.

Highly amusingly, Vicky has taken this story from that bastion of journalism the Stoke Sentinel who published the story yesterday. Not that she credits the source, obviously. Far better to make it look like the quotes have been given to her directly.

"The get well cards and messages you all sent in to me to pass on to Rob obviously helped do the trick!"

Oh seriously Vicky, get a bloody grip.

Has Street hunk 'Ad it? - 3rd April

2007-04-04T17:01:00.000Z

Last week, it was confirmed that Donatella Versace's daughter Allegra is suffering from anorexia. As reported in Bizarre, she is "seriously ill", and it's a "cruel disease". A pretty straighforward article, no jokes, no bitchiness.

Now let's move on to another celebrity who has suffered with eating disorders, Adam Rickitt. A picture of him appears where he doesn't look well, he too is "painfully thin". Does he get treated the same? Oh no. Adam is "washed-up". He's a "failed pop star" and "failed politician". He's "'ad it". Very sensitive, Vicky! I guess Adam's bulimia wasn't one of those facts you remembered "for a long time"?

Mel C: I'll Spice up Take That - 4th April

2007-04-04T06:40:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007150424,00.html

"Mel, whose album This Time is out in May, says..."

Nope, it came out 2 days ago...

Ritchie's scary tough Guy look - 4th April

2007-04-04T06:31:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007150413,00.html

"His BRITNEY SPEARS-style skinhead also exposes an old wound on his cheek which does even more to make him resemble a thug."

So...shaving his head made the scar on his cheek visible? Did we miss the photos in which his hair was like the above illustration? Quick lesson for Vicky - hair is on the head, cheek is on the face.

P Diddy gigs with diddy man - 3rd April

2007-04-03T15:46:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007150223,00.html

"P DIDDY was a no-show at COLEEN MCLOUGHLIN’s 21st bash because he had a more important birthday to attend to."

No-show, or never-supposed-to-show? Guess where the orignal story about him supposedly attending and performing at the party came from? Actually, do you even need to guess?

Arctic Monkeys storm on - 3rd April

2007-04-03T15:37:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007150222,00.html

"The ARCTIC MONKEYS made new single Brianstorm available for download yesterday. The release comes two weeks before the CD single will be in the shops and it could well see the track go to No1 next Sunday."

Finger on the pulse of public tastes as ever, Vicky semi-predicts a number one. Shame that based on first day sales, the single has just scraped into the Top 20, and is at number 19.

"The track is the first single from brilliant second album Favourite Worst Nightmare — which I previewed exclusively on Saturday."

No you didn't.

Lennon was art breaker - 31st March

2007-03-31T23:09:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007140959,00.html

And another fake 'exclusive' from Pete Samson, one of Vicky's many lackeys. This is the same story which was doing the rounds on Thursday and has been reported web-wide since then. Imagine if one day Bizarre had a genuine exclusive...it's easy if you try.

(Screen oh-my-god-he's-been-shot)

It's a singe for Pet Shop Boys - 31st March

2007-03-31T22:49:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007140969,00.html

Funny how this 'exclusive' story was reported on the Pet Shop Boys own website 3 days ago... Or then there's this story from the New Zealand Herald, published at 5am NZ time on the 31st, which was 6pm on the 30th in the UK.

(It's a...it's a...it's a screenshot.)

Album reveals Monkeys magic - 31st March

2007-03-31T19:54:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007140935,00.html

"IT’S the most talked about, exciting and eagerly awaited album of the year. But I've had a sneak preview of ARCTIC MONKEYS follow-up Favourite Worst Nightmare and can tell you now, it's brilliant."

"I've had a sneak preview" = "I received a promo CD like hundreds of other journalists and radio stations across the country". For instance, the folks at The Fly magazine, who published a review earlier this week. Vicky is very daring with her review, heaping praise on an album that is guaranteed to be a number one bestseller - not exactly backing the horse with three legs, is it?

Of course Vicky has always got her finger on the pulse of what's going on with the Arctic Monkeys. Like when she told us how Dizzee Rascal would be appearing on the new album. Which, if her review is anything to go by, isn't the case at all.

Little Missing Joss - 30th March

2007-03-30T15:52:00.000Z

There seems to be something missing from Bizarre today. There's a relatively major UK showbiz news story out there which came to light yesterday (Thursday) and yet despite having acres of print and webspace to fill with any old celebrity rubbish, Vicky seems to have decided to not include a story about her current favourite bile-target Joss Stone.

Could that be because it's a very positive story about Ms Stone having massive success in the US this week and breaking a chart record along the way? After 6 weeks or so of negative stories (right up until yesterday), digs and general nastiness towards Joss, I suppose it would make Vicky look rather silly to 'reveal' that Joss's career might not be quite as far down the pan as she hoped. I'm surprised there isn't a story telling the US they can 'keep her'. Maybe she'll fill some space with that tomorrow, eh?

Pot / Kettle Scenario - 28th March

2007-03-28T15:39:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2001320029-2007140415,00.html

Interesting piece in the TV section of The Sun today.

"CHANNEL 4 was caught up in another scandal last night after admitting its top 100 comedians poll was RIGGED. Producers counted the public votes before the poll had finished — because they suspected dirty tricks by fans. As a result, potentially thousands of votes were not counted towards the March 18 show, won by Billy Connolly."

Rigged polls? Shock! Counting votes before polls had finished? Scandal! What could be worse - except maybe awarding the prizes before the polls opened. The author of this piece could have used an example a bit closer to home, methinks...

Chris needs Top Of The Crops - 27th March

2007-03-27T06:33:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007140233,00.html

"SO now we know what CHRIS MARTIN has been up to for the past few months – growing his hair. The COLDPLAY singer paraded his dodgy barnet as he held up cute daughter Apple on a day out at a fair."

Er...you mean the same bushy haircut he's had since around the time of Band Aid 20 in late 2004?

The Stones to headline festival - 23rd March

2007-03-24T18:36:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007130626,00.html

One that only came to light today. Yesterday it was reported by Vicky that the Rolling Stones charged fans £50 to watch them on webcam announcing their European tour. Unfortunately the article has been changed online, but luckily the Google cache hasn't quite caught up yet. This prompted their PR company to issue the following statement:

A report in the Sun newspaper that the Rolling Stones charged fans to log and watch yesterday's webcast of the launch of their European tour was completely untrue. A spokesman for the band said today "Contrary to this report over a million fans were in fact able to enjoy the broadcast free of charge simply by logging onto http://www.rollingstones.com/mick"

Carm down will you lads? - 24th March

2007-03-24T08:13:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007130823,00.html

"CURVY CARMEN ELECTRA has shot up FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women list — because of claims she is having a LESBIAN affair. The ex-Baywatch babe, 34, polled 10,000 votes in the 24 hours after stories emerged alleging a relationship with rocker Joan Jett."

Totally fabricated story. First, the claims of the "lesbian affair" are over 4 months old, so why would she suddenly get a rush of votes now? Plus the voting figures aren't made available to the public so there's no way Vicky could know.

"Carmen — starring in comedy film I Want Candy..."

No?! Really?! It's almost as if the opening of this sentence is the entire reason for the article!

"...proudly wore a T-shirt emblazoned with the name of the ’80s star."

Yes, she did. Last June. Before any of the rumours started.

Carmen being "accused" of having a lesbian love affair has prompted this pointless compilation of female celebrities who have said they find other women attractive. It just happens to be exactly the same as this compilation which appeared back in January, only it was Kelly Brook who "confessed" and prompted it that time.

I'm Sick of Candy - 23rd March

2007-03-23T16:40:00.000Z

And it just doesn't stop. In addition to the 4-month old news that Carmen Electra - star of new Brit comedy I Want Candy - was seen kissing Joan Jett, we have more push for the film. First, an interview with Mel C, who happens to sing the theme tune. Amusingly, Vicky is dense enough to refer to it as "I Love Candy".

And then we have a little video from the premiere of a new Brit comedy called I Want Candy (perhaps you've heard of it?) Asking 'celebrities' to work out their porn star name (including Carmen Electra, star of new Brit comedy I Want Candy) the video includes clips from a certain film - yes, it's new Brit comedy I Want Candy.

And it's not just Vicky and MY team doing this. Over at the Superbabes section of the website, who do you reckon is Babe of the Week? Yes, it's Carmen Electra! "Boasting two of tinseltowns most sought after appendages, it's a wonder that Carmen opted to star in a dinky little British film (I Want Candy, at the pics now)." (Picture 5 in the slideshow just happens to be a promo shot from a new Brit comedy called...I Want Candy!) But hang on, according to one of Vicky's lackeys today, Carmen is a dirty lesbian being 'accused' of having a relationship with another woman. But it's okay if she's showing us her t*ts, yeah?

Or you could head over to the specially dedicated slideshow for new Brit comedy I Want Candy in the Movies section of the website.

There was also the competition to win tickets to the premiere and the chance to escort Carmen Electra - star of new Brit comedy I Want Candy - down the red carpet. (Strange that she seems to be decidedly alone on the night - perhaps no-one entered? Do a search on Getty Images - there isn't a single picture of her on the red carpet with anyone.)

Another quick mention here.

And finally Johnny Vaughan's film reviews for the week. Four films reviewed, including new Brit comedy I Want Candy. Any guesses which one gets the best review and highest rating? Go on, have a guess. Yes, that's right, it's new Brit comedy I Want Candy! Four out of five. "Hats off to the British team responsible for this surefire smash. Don’t miss it." I guess that doesn't include the director then - he's Canadian.

What do other newspapers think of the film? The Guardian - "dire sex comedy" - one out of five. The Times - "Juvenile and fatuous" - one out of five. The Mirror - "pitiful". Daily Express - "lame script" - two out of five. Metro - "painfully unfunny" - one out of five.

Did Johnny Vaughan actually see the same film? If he even wrote the review of course.

Baywatch babe 'a lesbian' - 23rd March

2007-03-23T08:31:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007130578,00.html

"Carmen, who is in London to promote her new movie I Want Candy..."

Really? I never knew that! It must be a whole 24 hours since the film was last mentioned in the paper.

Could it be that this old story which everyone else seemed to be reporting last November, has been dragged up simply for the purposes of getting Carmen - star of new Brit comedy I Want Candy - in the paper again?

Let's go back to March 29th 2006 to find an article where Carmen - star of new Brit comedy I Want Candy - says she used to have a crush on Joan Jett. Where could we find such a thing? Ah, how about in The Sun? Or how about a piece on the music video Joan and Carmen (star of new Brit comedy I Want Candy) made together? Oh, here's one - from The Sun back in May last year.

"Carmen appeared in 48-year-old Joan’s A.C.D.C. video and is tipped to attend next week’s Dinah Shore Weekend with her."

Nothing to do with the fact that Carmen (star of new Brit comedy I Want Candy) is already going to be appearing with her burlesque / cabaret act 'The Bombshell Babies', an appearance which has been scheduled since last August?

"Joan has refused to discuss her sexuality. But her A.C.D.C. track contains the lyric: “She got some other lover as well as me.”"

Amusing how Vicky's lackey feels he has to extract a lyric to try and prove some hint of lesbian goings-on when the song's title - and indeed the song - is referencing bisexuality.

Char's big day dogged by pervs - 22nd March

2007-03-22T08:28:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007130401,00.html

"CHARLOTTE CHURCH is rethinking her wedding venue — after being told the castle is a top spot for DOGGING."

On Monday The Sun re-started the rumours of Charlotte n Gavin wanting to get married at Castell Coch. But now it seems they will be reconsidering that venue. In fact now they might not get married there at all. A bit odd that's she's "rethinking" something which her management has said wasn't even true in the first place... Wouldn't be a case of MY team having to do a bit of back-pedalling to cover their mistakes, would it?

Bizarre Roundup - 22nd March

2007-03-22T08:20:00.000Z

If you listen to Elton John, George Michael, Abba, or some other million-selling artists, this means you are GAY. Got that? (PS - only one member of Erasure is gay.)

More unequivocal support for Robbie, with a headline very sympathetic to any mental health issues he might be dealing with.

Matt Lucas is our No1 fan - 22nd March

2007-03-22T07:59:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2007130406,00.html

"Matt and Peter each appear in the video in wheelchairs, as their TV alter egos Andy “I’ll have that one” Pipkin and Brian Potter — with The Proclaimers providing backing vocals."

Ah yes, "I'll have that one". Up there with the other great comedy catchphrases such as Mr Humphries' "I'm available!", "Don't get stressed!" from Dad's Army and "Listen very carefully, I won't repeat myself." from Allo Allo...

"This week Charlie and Craig made the 500-mile trip from Edinburgh to my Bizarre HQ in Wapping, East London to tell me about their relationship with Matt Lucas."

It's 408 miles from Edinburgh to London. And they made the journey just for Vicky! Despite already being in London for Chris Moyles on Tuesday morning and for GMTV tomorrow morning...

Carmen is as sweet as Candy - 21st March

2007-03-21T12:35:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007130281,00.html

Oh look! More publicity for the News International financed film 'I Want Candy'. What a surprise...

Lotte's fairytale castle wedding - 19th March

2007-03-19T08:27:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/1,,2007120847,00.html

MY team lackey John Coles, 19th March: "PREGNANT CHARLOTTE CHURCH and rugby star boyfriend GAVIN HENSON are to wed next month in a fairytale Welsh castle. The singer and chat show host, 21, is desperate to tie the knot before her tummy bump gets bigger. She picked Castell Coch — Welsh for red castle — because it is close to her home city of Cardiff."

Richard Smith, The Mirror, 2nd March: "Another friend said: "Charlotte's always wanted a wedding in Castell Coch and has set aside two dates in April. She's an old-fashioned girl from a Catholic family and would want to get wed without a bump showing.""

(Screenshot)

Rocker Johnny is Dun-struck - 17th March

2007-03-17T08:08:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007120701,00.html

"RAZORLIGHT star JOHNNY BORRELL has pulled Hollywood beauty KIRSTEN DUNST, I can exclusively reveal."

How about this blog 'revealing' that yesterday?

Madonna moves to New York - 17th March

2007-03-17T07:41:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007120662,00.html

"Madonna’s dad has been receiving treatment for colon cancer in Leelanau County Hospital, Michigan, which is relatively close to New York."

1) Her dad has had prostate cancer, not colon cancer.

2) Michigan is 650 miles away from New York. That's like saying "Madonna's dad is really ill in London, so she's going to move to Berlin to be near him."

Jolie calls son Peaceful Sky - 16th March

2007-03-16T07:34:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007120504,00.html

Today's non-exclusive comes from US Cut and Paster (oh, sorry, 'Editor') Emily Smith. There is not a single exclusive piece of information in this article. Try this piece from Reuters written over 24 hours ago.

"Adoption forms, signed on February 7 and seen by The Sun, show orphanage bosses had named him Pham Quang Sang..."

Seems like every other news agency in the world must have seen those papers too, as they report the same thing.

Whose Party Is It Anyway? - 15th March

2007-03-15T12:46:00.000Z

Looks like Vicky needs to get MY team "singing from the same hymn sheet" if two articles are anything to go by. Yesterday Beci Wood reckons Elton John had a 60th birthday party and shared it with Sam Taylor-Wood's 40th, and then today in a piece with a delightfully homophobic headline, Kathryn Lister reckons it was just Sam's bash. Oh, and tell whichever member of MY team who does your slideshow photo captions that it's Trudie STYLER and not Tyler.

Bucks Fizz in telly comeback - 15th March

2007-03-15T07:16:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007120338,00.html

"I’d love to see a tubby Bobby G and Mike Nolan tear large skirts from middle-aged mums Cheryl Baker and Jay Aston."

Perhaps if Vicky is trying to drum up support, it might be a good idea to not call them fat? But anyway, click on the picture above from Shelley Preston's website, taken last year during the filming of the Comic Relief video. So not much need for a "mock-up of how they might look". Why not just use a real and available image? Ah, because then Vicky wouldn't be able to criticise the way someone looks (even if it's not true) and that can't happen.

UPDATE: Quote from the administrator of the official Bucks Fizz website: "I have spoken to Bobby today and there are no plans or never have been to do Making Your Mind Up on Saturday night for him or Cheryl, Mike and Jay - this is just a publicity stunt from The Sun newspaper." Hmm...

Lohan's dad released from jail - 14th March

2007-03-14T16:54:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007120219,00.html

Let's play a game! How many differences can you find between the Bizarre article linked above and this one from today's IMDB News?

I'm currently spotting a whole TEN WORDS!

(Obligatory screenshot in case of changes.)

Joss is sinking like a Stone - 14th March

2007-03-14T16:38:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007120084,00.html

First, I'll say I'm not a fan of any of the artists mentioned here. But it's a rather melodramatic piece from Vicky today regarding Joss Stone's album looking like it won't get into the Top 10 this weekend when the official album charts are announced.

"national laughing stock", "meteoric fall from grace" - this isn't Jade Goody we're talking about here, it's a 19 year-old girl who has developed a weird accent and dyed her hair. Calm down, dear, it's just a teenager. And who has been one of her most vocal and visible critics, gleefully drawing attention to every "PR disaster"? Yes, step forward Victoria Newton.

Two X-Factor losers are beating her in the charts - big deal. They had millions of people watching them on TV every week for 2 months at the end of last year - Joss has been out of the limelight for 2 years. The X-Factor releases have been timed to coincide with Mother's Day too, a very competitive week, when people will buy almost anything Mum-friendly in desperation. Why should she "expect" a Top 3 placing?

"Most embarrassing for Joss is that another annoying curly redhead looks set for the Top Ten. That’s right, SIMPLY RED’s new album Stay is stuffing Joss’s effort too. When you lose to MICK HUCKNALL in a popularity contest you know it’s time to pack your bags."

Putting some perspective on this comment, this is Simply Red's 12th album in a 22 year career, and only one of those previous 11 has missed the Top 5. They are still very popular. Their last two albums reached #2 and #3, so if we're using previous chart performance as a benchmark for current success, then 'Stay' is actually performing poorly as it's 'only' at #6 in the midweeks. I can't see the article screaming SIMPLY DEAD - BAND FAIL TO REACH TOP 5 anywhere though.

Strange, that.

Oh My, something smells fishy - 13th March

2007-03-13T19:12:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007120016,00.html

Victoria Newton, The Sun, 13th March 2007: "SHE's always struck me as a Klassy lady. But TV beauty MYLEENE KLASS has revealed she's planning to serve up fish and chips at her wedding. She told me: "I don't want any fancy stuff - fish and chips will do me fine. I've already got a van sorted."

Deborah Ross, The Independent, 6th January 2007: "And, of course, we talk about the forthcoming wedding. She's yet to choose a venue but hopes to do so this month. All she knows is that there will be Guinness on tap, as Graham is Irish, and maybe a fish and chip van, for the fun of it."

It's Sir Paul Mocha-rtney! - 13th March

2007-03-13T16:39:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007110743,00.html

One problem with plagiarism is that if the person you are copying from makes mistakes, and you don't bother to check what you're copying, you're liable to repeat those errors. Vicky has fallen for this before with an article about Marilyn Manson, where she copied a story from the New York Post. And now she's repeated another factually incorrect article which appeared two days ago in - again - the New York Post. (No surprise of course that News Corporation owns both The Sun and NY Post, so maybe it's more like inbreeding than plagiarism...)

Let's have a look at the foul-ups and other 'remarkable' similarities...

NY Post: "The formation of Starbucks Records, as the unit is expected to be called..."
Vicky: "...and it now looks like they have landed one of the biggest names in the game to launch Starbucks Records."

[Unfortunately, turning something "expected" into a solid fact doesn't always work, as it was announced yesterday that they're sticking with the existing name of Hear Music.]

NY Post: " Launching a record label is something "that has been bandied about for quite a while," said one source."
Vicky: "Starbucks have been plotting the music venture for a while..."

NY Post: "Unlike its Hear Music operation, which releases the Artists Choice compilation series that features musicians such as Sheryl Crow or The Rolling Stones selecting songs that influenced them, Starbucks Records is expected sign, record and produce its own artists rather than licensing songs from other labels."
Vicky: "There is already an arm of Starbucks called Hear Music releasing compilations called Artist’s Choice, which have featured stars such as the ROLLING STONES and SHERYL CROW selecting songs that influenced them. But Starbucks Records is expected to sign, record and produce its own artists rather than license other labels’ songs."

NY Post: "Starbucks Hear Music had its greatest success with the release of Ray Charles' "Genius Loves Company," a co-production with Concord Records that went on to win eight Grammy awards including Album of the Year."
Vicky: "Hear Music had its greatest success with the release in 2004 of the late soul star RAY CHARLES’ final album, Genius Loves Company — a co-production with Concord Records that won eight post-humous [sic] Grammy awards including Album Of The Year."

NY Post: "The caffeine pusher has enough licensing deals in place with major and independent record labels to build its own digital-music store a la Apple's iTunes, or it could bring in a partner to help build the digital infrastructure."
Vicky: "I hear the coffee conglomerate also plans to start a digital music download site with another major company."

NY Post: "There have been talks about putting kiosks in its shops so that customers can shop for music and create their own compilations while waiting for their $5 cup of joe."
Vicky: "There have also been talks about putting kiosks in Starbucks shops so customers can create their own compilations while waiting for a brew."

[This is something Starbucks tried and failed at already back in 2004, and then withdrew from most locations in May 2006.]

And to finish off, Vicky lists some 'hilarious' Starbucks-inspired song titles, the first of which is "Let It Bean". And the title of the New York Post article? Yep, "Let It Bean"...

(Danke neununddreißig)

Biz Bites - 13th March

2007-03-13T07:40:00.000Z

Keep up, Vicky - Freebass have been going since around November 2005... Now they've got around to recording an album, the details of which you've taken from an NME piece 4 days ago.

Wad's up with you, Robbie? - 12th March

2007-03-12T07:35:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007110605,00.html

Inside Vicky's head: "Okay, Robbie has been out of rehab for a bit now. I was nice when he was in there, I did the caring sharing crap with the get well cards, but I'm bored of him again. I'll lead off gently and criticise his clothes, mention that his new single 'limped' into the charts, and suggest his career is on the skids. Oh, and to finish off I'll suggest he should get back together with Take That, whose current success I put down as one of the reasons he went into rehab in the first place. Get well soon, Robbie."

Madge naked on Nip/Tuck - 12th March

2007-03-12T07:28:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007110610,00.html

MY team lackey Pete Samson comes up with the week's first fake 'exclusive'. This story first appeared on the wires on Saturday and has been all over the net and back in the past 48 hours.

(Obligatory screenshot in case of changes.)

UPDATE: Hours later, something else occurred to me - I can only assume Mr Samson has never watched Nip/Tuck if he thinks Madonna will be "showing all". As the programme is not on cable TV in the US, you never even see an exposed female nipple. So Madge will not be seen naked anyway.

Sigourney to play a stripper - 10th March

2007-03-10T08:32:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007110391,00.html

"SIGOURNEY WEAVER is in great shape for her age. But I'm not sure that at 60 she looks good enough to strip half naked on screen."

How about at 57, which is her actual age? Gypsy Rose Lee also stopped stripping before she was 50, and the film in question will be concentrating on the later years of her life. Vicky just can't resist getting in a little dig about the supposed inadequacies of the way someone looks, can she?

Mr Nasty gives judge Louis sack - 9th March

2007-03-09T16:34:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/1,,2007110351,00.html

Click the pic above for a bigger version. These days the words "Exclusive by Victoria Newton" are about as accurate as "I Haven't Got Any Money by Simon Cowell".

So despite re-writing a press release that went out late yesterday and padding it out with a bit of made-up rumour and drama, what is 'exclusive' about a story that was (for example) on the Media Guardian site at 5:45pm yesterday or the BBC website 13 minutes later? Plus almost every other tabloid is carrying the story today. Maybe just putting the words in a different order renders it an 'exclusive'?

Sell, Sell, Sell! - 9th March

2007-03-09T07:36:00.000Z

Today's Bizarre reads a bit like a catalogue rather than a showbiz column. The main article of the day is promoting some bloke's eBay auction. Or we've got a 'video special' promoting the second series of the dire 'Extras' on DVD. Or snippets from the latest edition of Vogue - pick up your copy at your local newsagents!

On a side note, a while ago Vicky decided to call people who wore sunglasses indoors or at night "Dim Shadys". Today in a puff piece about Jennifer Lopez we get "The Latino singer dazzled passers-by with her canary yellow number, golden tan and Dim Shady glasses."

A pity then that the accompanying photo shows J-Lo in, er, bright sunshine.

Chem Romance video exclusive - 8th March

2007-03-08T07:27:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007110133,00.html

"Now they’re releasing another excellent track in I Don’t Love You — and the boys have chosen Bizarre to launch the video on the internet."

Looks to me like they chose YouTube to launch the video, where it has been available since yesterday...

And it's "another excellent track"? Back in October last year Vicky said "They’re not my cup of tea but at least the Yank band are causing a stir."

Vicky also agreed with Kasabian who found it "depressing" that the "phenomenon of American emo, or emotional, music — think miserable teenage goths — has spread to the UK." She continues: "Their music appeals to depressed and disaffected teenagers and their forthcoming album Black Parade includes cheerfully-named tracks such as Dead, Cancer and The End."

Then she said they were "ghouls", "miserable" and "dreary". But then in the same article calls their album "a work of epic genius". Oh now I'm really confused...does she like them or not?

(thanks to daysleeper)

Robbie's back and on the town - 8th March

2007-03-08T07:21:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007110148,00.html

"And his dad Pete Conway told me it is thanks to Bizarre readers that Rob is “tickety boo”. Pete said: “It’s amazing the support he’s received. He’s had sackloads of cards and messages from fans. On Valentine’s Day alone he got 57,000 cards. I don’t know how he’ll get through them all."

Yes, it was nothing to do with doctors, nurses, counsellors or anyone who worked at the rehab clinic Robbie has been in for weeks - it was MY readers who have helped Robbie through it. Particular thanks of course must go to Vicky and her constant support (since he went into rehab, but not before when she consistently slagged him off).

Robbie Williams has quit rehab - 7th March

2007-03-07T07:38:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2007100725,00.html

A fake 'Exclusive' by two of Vicky's minions today, adding in a few extra points to the story that HolyMoly broke last night. Nice try, though!

Mel C is Electr-ic in leather - 6th March

2007-03-06T17:05:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007100609,00.html

"I'VE got an exclusive sneak peek of Melanie C's music video for new single I Want Candy. The former Spice Girl has recorded the soundtrack for CARMEN ELECTRA'S saucy new movie of the same name."

What, she's recorded the whole soundtrack? Anyway...a semi-exclusive here, as the main video has been available on Mel C's website since last Friday, but this version with film clips was announced as being given exclusively to The Sun.

Cast your minds back to January though, and remember that this is another piece of promotion for a film which one of The Sun's associate companies, Sky Movies, part-financed. I said back then to expect more coverage, and here we go... One of today's Biz Bites pieces also mentions the film.

UPDATE: The original article has been re-written on the site today, but here's a screenshot of the original in case it gets removed!

Madge makes an arresting sight - 5th March

2007-03-05T16:31:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007100376,00.html

"IS this really MADONNA being led off by a cop? Look a little closer, it is actually the Queen Of Pop having a laugh at GUY-MCA. And the singer giggled like a naughty schoolgirl as she was escorted home by Guy in his camp New York Police Department outfit. You might giggle too if your bloke wore that VILLAGE PEOPLE-style look – complete with moustache."

Hey, NYPD - Vicky thinks you're all gay. Nice comparison to the Village People there. Just a bit unfortunate that the "cop" in that particular group wore a motorcycle helmet, leather jacket, and usually a blue shirt and tight white trousers. And had a goatee and not a moustache. And was black. And straight.

Readers made Robbie smile - 2nd March

2007-03-02T07:38:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007100112,00.html

"ROBBIE WILLIAMS is on the mend – thanks to your messages of support. And his mum Jan is flying to the States to show him your heart-warming letters."

Yeah, I'm sure that's the only reason she's going. But if she hasn't shown them to him yet, how can they be helping him? And on Wednesday, Vicky said "As part of his treatment he cannot receive letters or use the internet to read hundreds of messages of support and can only make regulated phone calls." so how is she going to be showing him these letters until he's out of there anyway?

Saints single is relegated - 1st March

2007-03-01T16:56:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007090704,00.html

"THE ALL SAINTS comeback looks doomed. New single chas [sic] been relegated to a download-only release, their tour was cancelled and MELANIE BLATT and the rest of the band pulled out of a gig on Saturday because of “illness”."

19th with the news once again, Vicky repeats details of the single given to us by the Mirror a full 10 days ago. Also, no tour was ever announced, and the G-A-Y stint was cancelled nearly a week ago. So armed with all this bad news, plus an album that well and truly flopped months ago, "Mystic Vic" manages to tell us that the comeback "looks doomed". Such insight!

(thanks to james)

Charlotte: I'm up the daff - 1st March

2007-03-01T16:48:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007100045,00.html

"The heavenly beauty has confirmed she is expecting her own little angel - only a week after The Sun reported baby rumours when she snubbed booze at her own 21st birthday bash."

Could it be the "baby rumours", started by The Sun last Friday, which prompted this statement on Charlotte's website today?

"In an ideal world, we would not have made this announcement so early in the pregnancy. However, due to recent speculation and persistent questions from the media about this most private of matters, Charlotte felt she had no choice other than to go public..."

Unsurprisingly, this part of the statement was not included in Bizarre's article. Well done, though! Nothing like putting pressure on a girl in the early stages of her first pregnancy. Hope you're proud of yourselves. Can't imagine Charlotte will be rushing to you with any exclusives in the near future though...

I can still Shak-hear-ya - 28th February

2007-02-28T16:27:00.000Z

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007090536,00.html

"The Latino beauty has pulled out of her second interview in a month with Bizarre, claiming her vocal cords couldn’t cope with the rigours of a 25-minute interview. Though I hear she hasn’t seemed to have the slightest trouble belting out big numbers for more than an hour at a time at gigs during her current European tour."

Perhaps Vicky needs to listen more closely, as far from not having had the "slightest trouble", earlier this month Shakira was forced to cancel one concert in Holland and two in Germany due to having bronchitis.

It's common practice for singers performing a gruelling regime of shows to rest their voice completely between concerts - even to the extent of not speaking, and certainly not for 25 minutes straight - and I would suspect even more so for singers who have not long recovered from a serious infection...

Biz Bites - 27th February

2007-02-27T16:46:00.000Z

Uno: Up-to-the-minute as ever, this story is two weeks old, having first appeared (in English) in the Santiago Times on 13th February.

Dos: The story was in reference to the ticket prices in Chile, not in Brazil (although it is true that some tickets for their shows in Brazil are £100 - but there are some at £35, and to try to make up for it, the band have been giving away free tickets outside to fans who couldn't afford them.)

Tres: The quote Vicky uses is a rather condensed version of the actual quote, which was:

"We just found out how expensive they are and would like to say we are sorry. We didn’t know beforehand. The tickets of course could not have been extremely cheap because we are playing smaller venues here, but the price is a little embarrassing."

Bizarre Roundup - 23rd February

2007-02-23T16:41:00.000Z

Inside Vicky's head: "Okay, that's Britney driven mental, who can I focus random and unprovoked hatred on now? Ah, Joss Stone! She'll do. Acted a bit funny at the Brits the other week. She's young, successful, talented and rich. I hate that. But wait, she's still a teenager, most of them aren't really mature or resistant to outside influence. Oh sod it, I'll assassinate her anyway."

MY team member John Coles tries to make a story out of nothing regarding Charlotte Church: "The chat show star and singer has finally quit smoking and pals have noticed she has put on a bit of weight in recent weeks." And what happens to most people when they quit smoking? They put on weight, you fool. Charlotte has also recently stated in interviews that she was only ever planning a low-key birthday celebration and has never mentioned this alleged party at the Hilton. In fact, she said "I had a big 18th and my mum said either you have a big 18th or a big 21st."

"sparking rumours" = "speculating based on little or no evidence"

UPDATE: Yeah, okay, Charlotte Church is pregnant after all!